reason #837 why I’m married and shouldn’t be left alone

Here I am at 11:52 pm on a work night on my computer writing a blog post for a blog that no one reads. And it’s all because hubby is out of town. And I drank 2 glasses of wine after I put the kids to bed. And answered an email about our foster dog and our upcoming trip for a family reunion. And then thanked my foster coordinator person for saving me from adopting another pup. And then thinking about why I want to adopt another pup. And then thinking about how sad I am that my boy who so loves animals should have the luck of getting the pup that doesn’t really want to hang out and snuggle with people.

But then how much of it is the pup (Vito) and how much of it is Sam and his lack of self-control in being calm and patient around Vito? How do I teach him to practice more restraint? How do I encourage gentleness in him? I know he has it in him – he just needs to channel it more often. What do I do to encourage the gentle spirit in him? Or do I just need to get him a different dog? Is that wrong? To adopt and dog and after a couple of months decide that the dog is not the right dog and add another dog to the family? What *is* the right thing to do?

After the email was sent, I probably spent at least 30 minutes looking through pups available for adoption. And none really tickled my fancy. And then for some goofy reason, I looked at the golden beginnings rescue site (where we got our sweet Dixie nearly 12 years ago). And I marveled at how many “old gold” dogs they have for adoption. And I want to take home one of those dogs and give it a home for the next couple of years of its life. And then I’m reading about their adoptions and the older dog who was adopted by a visiting author who lives in California and all the people involved in getting this dog to CA. And I’m just in tears. Because I SO want to help but I’m just too overwhelmed. I can barely handle my current life as it is. But I want to feel like I make a difference – that I’m doing something for the world. And I want to feel like my kids are learning something from me – that I’m imparting some values that will make them into better people. Not that I’m the best person in the world. But I’m not horrible, I hope.

My house is a mess, my kids are a mess, my hubby is hardly home, I procrastinate like nobody’s business, and I’m up at 12:08am writing a blog that no one reads. There is seriously something wrong with me! Or it’s hubby’s fault for going out of town. One or the other. Maybe I’ll just blame the hubs. He’s not here to defend himself anyway…  :-)

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